Boys Night Out

One of the new trends in real estate is something I call the "man space". This is a room that is detached from the main house, where men can gather and be men. In the last year, I have probably seen ten properties that had deluxe man spaces. These are sometimes a room over a garage or a converted carriage house. Out in the country, men build metal pole barns to work on cars or keep their horses. But one room in the barn is the man space. When Adam graduates from high school, we want to move a bit farther from the city and get a home with about five acres. I want a couple of nice quarter horses, a stocked pond, and a man space.

A good man space has several things. First, it is not attached to the house so cigar smoking is not just permitted, it is almost required. It should be heated, preferably with a wood stove. It needs a good card table, a half bath, a wet bar, microwave, and a refrigerator. Of course, it must have cable or satellite tv with couches that are old enough that spilling food on them does not upset anyone. If your man space is in a pole barn or garage, you will need a 1960's or 1970's era muscle car that is in the process of being restored. A Harley also works. You need a work bench with a vice, a drill press, and a Kennedy tool box. All of your tacky sports memorabilia should be prominently displayed along with concert posters of your favorite bands.

My friend has a pretty good man space. Saturday night, I am going over for Poker and the Ultimate Fighting Championship. There will be beer drinking, cigar smoking, cussing, exaggerating, outright lying, and lots of spicy, high cholesterol foods like chicken wings. I am a terrible poker player so that makes me a very popular invitee to poker parties. But where else could I have this much fun for $35?

I get all of my "man-ness" out in one night. Then, I am a good, civilized, hard-working man for three or four weeks. I love mixed martial arts fighting. Rich Franklin, from Cincinnati, is my favorite fighter. Boxing was my thing until Don King ruined it. Aaron Pryor's son is going to be very good in mixed martial arts. He trains in Cincinnati and seems to have his daddy's lightning fast jab.

So if you are tired of trying to get your wife to let you have your neanderthal friends over for a game, get a man-space. As a real estate appraiser, I think it will definitely add value to your property.

Greg's Note: I was corrected by a reader, Frankie Pryor, Aaron's wife. Aaron's sons box but are not involved in mixed martial arts. I got my misinformation from a MMA fighter whose house I appraised. I may have to go back over there and kick his butt. Maybe not.

Kay and Kathy with a K

It is 1:00 in the morning and I cannot sleep. Two friends had dramatic life experiences today and I cannot seem to make sense of them. In just four hours, I experienced a roller coaster ride of emotion and it is not easy to stop the ride just because it is time to sleep.

A couple of weeks ago, Kay was diagnosed with cancer. Kay is the sister of a very close friend. I knew her because we worked together for about three years. The cancer was in the lymph nodes and was in the late stages. The doctor gave her no hope and indicated that intensive chemotherapy might only give her a little time. Kay decided against chemotherapy but agreed to some surgery that could remove a mass and ease some of the pain. The doctors had put her on morphine and oxycontin to ease her pain. They had begun coordinating with hospice so the transition would be smooth when the time came.

Kay’s sister Renee called this afternoon to tell me that when the surgeon operated today, they found no cancer in her body. None. They did not remove the cancer. There was no cancer. They performed new blood work that showed no presence of cancer anywhere. Later today, every test they could run confirmed that Kay has no trace of cancer anywhere in her body. This is the kind of news that makes you want to jump up and down screaming, “Thank you, Jesus!”

In the middle of our unbelievable rejoicing, a neighbor and close friend, Kathy, came over tonight to talk to Debbie. (Kathy is adamant that you spell her name correctly.) She has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Kathy is my age and had been perfectly healthy up until now. It was like someone hit us in the stomach. Debbie’s mother had MS and her sister-in-law is living with it now. So Deb helped explain that it is possible to have many meaningful years with the disease.

A few weeks ago, my favorite Bible teacher, Mike Williams, talked about how God does not judge us based upon our works and we should not judge him based upon his works. To me, this is more than a profound statement. Under the old Christianity, our reaction would be to be happy with God for Kay's healing, but to question God when disease or misfortune come our way. None of it ever seemed to make sense. But now, I have trusted Jesus completely for my salvation. I must trust him in other areas of life as well. I cannot explain what happened to Kay or Kathy. But I know God is good. I know God loves them equally.

So rejoice with Kay today. And remember Kathy in your prayers. Now maybe since I have gotten this off my mind, I can go to sleep.

Mad Props to Bishop Carlton Pearson

I have never met Carlton Pearson. But for the last several years, I have followed his story very closely. I have a deep admiration for Bishop Pearson because he willingly gave up a promising political career, his megachurch, his influence in the Evangelical community, and I am sure, most of his money in an effort to bring Christianity into the Twenty-First Century. This is MY version of HIS story. There are probably some glaring mistakes because almost all of my information comes from the Internet and magazines like Christianity Today and Charisma.

Carlton Pearson was a superstar in the Pentecostal and Word of Faith movements. His Higher Dimensions Church had thousands of members. He was a Dove-Award winning recording artists and his worship music recordings were the model for many churches. His preaching/teaching was saturated with deep insights and thoughtful preparation. His church was integrated in a city where integration was not the norm. Carlton had very powerful influence, not just in his denomination, but throughout the Pentecostal movement worldwide.

Several years ago, Bishop Pearson had an epiphany while watching a television show about the immense suffering in Africa. He began to question God about why these people would be born into Hell on Earth and then be sent to an eternal Hell after their death. Carlton felt God speaking to him and his revelation of God’s nature and character began to change radically. And so did his theology.

In private, Bishop Pearson began researching the scriptures and came to the conclusion that Jesus’ accomplishment through his death, burial, resurrection, and ascension, far exceeded what Evangelical Christianity taught. Carlton began teaching what he called the “Gospel of Inclusion”, teaching that all men are saved, or will eventually be saved, through Jesus sacrifice.

It was at about this time, that Carlton Pearson was considering a run for mayor of Tulsa. Polls showed that he was a very popular choice across a wide demographic. Blacks, whites, evangelicals, liberals and conservatives all seemed to be very excited about making Pearson the mayor.

Here is where the story gets a bit murky. This paragraph is my opinion of what probably happened, based on accounts I have read and a few rumors I have heard. Before Carlton began going public with his message, he began sharing it with some of his friends in the ministry. It should be noted that Carlton’s friends in the ministry were not a few guys named Joe. Carlton Pearson ran with the big dogs. His Azusa meetings featured a “who’s who” of Pentecostal and Word of Faith ministers. He was a frequent guest speaker at some of the largest churches in America and the world. He was on the Board of Directors for Oral Roberts University. Carlton says that many of his ministry friends privately accepted, or at least did not initially reject, his new teaching. He felt that at least some of these powerful men would fall in behind him after he went public with the Gospel of Inclusion. He was wrong.

As Charisma Magazine and Christianity Today, began using the “H” word to describe Bishop Pearson (Heretic) his friends acted as if they had never heard his views and feigned shock at finding that Carlton had gotten off track theologically. Higher Dimensions Church attendance began to fall. Staff began to question the doctrine. Collections plunged. And the Christian world, smelling blood in the water, moved in for the kill. Pearson lost his empire. The church’s real estate was foreclosed upon. Still, he kept preaching the finished work of Jesus.

This is why I admire Bishop Pearson. Most of us who have embraced the new Gospel did not sacrifice our livelihood in the process. I lost a few friends and my relationship with my parents has suffered. But I was free to study and write about the Gospel in obscurity. In 2006, for about a month, I passionately defended Carlton at an Assemblies of God website called the blogrodent. (The posts are still up as of this date and can be found here: http://tatumweb.com/blog/about/wp-stats/?stats_author=Greg+Amburgy) But all of Christianity was not hanging on my every word and challenging my every thought. They were doing this to Bishop Pearson.

All of the Christian magazines denounced his doctrine as heretical. His denomination, the Church of God in Christ, took his credentials and dis-fellowshipped him. Oral Roberts University removed him from the board and Oral himself felt he had to denounce the Gospel of Inclusion. Pearson’s small congregation began meeting on Sunday afternoons in an Episcopal Church in Tulsa. I cannot imagine a more hostile environment to teach the Gospel of Inclusion than Tulsa, Oklahoma. Yet he continues to press forward.

Carlton Pearson has written two books, “God is Not a Christian” and “The Gospel of Inclusion.” He has become a go-to guy for liberal media people when the subject of Hell comes up. (I do not like these types of people and feel that they edited the interviews to promote their own agendas, rather than focus on Carlton’s.) But he is working in relative obscurity, compared with his former high profile. But the times, they are a changing!

In 2000, when I first began to seriously embrace the Gospel, there were very few people proclaiming this message. Gary Amirault’s Tentmaker site was one of the few places I could turn for information. But Carlton Pearson and men like Mike Williams have gained quite a foothold and the message is growing in acceptance.
I believe that before Carlton Pearson dies, he will again command tremendous respect from a wide range of Christianity. I see Evangelicalism as a dying form of Christianity that divides mankind and will not survive well into the Twenty-First Century. A God that eternally burns and tortures his own creation in Hell is not a God that is to be worshipped, but a God that must be repudiated. After all, we are to strive to follow after and emulate Jesus. I am following the Jesus Carlton preaches.

Someday, I hope to meet Bishop Pearson. Until then, I will continue to follow his story. It is a story of hope. In the end, it will be a story of redemption.

Greg Comes Out of the Closet

I have a pair of Georgio Brutini loafers. In 1997, after my band lost our record deal, I played piano in the pit band at LaComedia Dinner Theater for three months. I was unsuccessfully hit upon by once-famous televangelist John Wesley Fletcher in the TBN studio sometime around 1982. And that about sums up my gay experience. I had several friends over the years who were gay. Most of them felt they had to pretend not to be gay in order to get me to like them. I feel terrible about that.

So today, right here on my blog, I wish to step out of the closet and proclaim that there are several gay men that I like, and a few gay women. And I ask them to forgive me for waiting this long to pubicly announce my support. The following is a list of people I have encountered over the years who I did not understand and did not try hard enough to understand.

Larry C., Larry T., Darryl S. (It is not as funny as Larry, Darryl, and Darryl, but I only knew one gay Darryl.), Darryl's partner, Wendell D., Kevin S., Katie R. and Karen, Ron I., Brian G., most of the guys at LaComedia, Diane C., Deana F., the Lesbians in the choir (You know who you are.), the MCA A&R rep, Tom S., and that Kid at Kings High School, the only male in the drill team sometime around 2004. This list is incomplete but I wish I had every one of these encounters to do all over again. It is amazing to me the talent and creative ability this list encompasses. There are world-class musicians, artists, dancers, medical professionals, actors, photographers, and business people on this very short list. And of course, there are a couple of regular, average, everyday people on the list as well.

And my biggest blockbuster confession is that my favorite Bible teacher in all the world is Mike Williams. Mike taught me more about the Gospel than any other person on earth. And Mike is gay. So if my ragging on televangelists does not get me completely excommunicated from the evangelical community, my love for Mike's teaching surely will. I highly recommend Mike's website. Click on the Gospel Revolution or the Glenn Klein Online links above to hear some very insightful teaching. Mike and Glenn (a crazy, non-gay Jewish dude) host the Gospel Revolution webcast each Wednesday evening at 9:00 pm.

(I am shown above at my failed audition for the part of Lt. Jim Dangle on Reno 911. That is Carlos Alazraqui with me. Carlos plays the part of Deputy Garcia on the show. Thomas Lennon only got the part because he has better legs than I do.)

CBS Announces Survivor Tulsa

In an effort to bolster sagging ratings, CBS’ Survivor is currently assembling the greatest cast of megalomaniacs in history. American televangelists will compete in a prime time, no-holds-barred game of politics, backstabbing, alliance building, and manipulation. He that endureth to the end will be awarded with reality TV’s biggest prize ever. Since most of these people are already millionaires, the prize money has been raised to One Hundred Million Dollars! CBS is not worried. This show promises better ratings than the Super Bowl.

CBS is retiring the worn out theme of scantily clad contestants running around on a remote island. Instead, the contestants will wear Giorgio Armani suits and will compete in Christianity’s little island of insanity, Tulsa, Oklahoma. The game will remain the same, with players competing in teams and individual competitions with the winners being awarded “salvation” instead of the usual prize of immunity. Instead of being voted off the island, one minister will be “excommunicated” each week. Tribal Council has been replaced by the Nicene Council. Once each week, those without “salvation” have to defend themselves at the Nicene Council as not being a heretic. The players vote and the minister with the most votes is excommunicated.

The cast is the most famous Survivor cast ever assembled. It includes:

Kenneth and Gloria Copeland (I predict an alliance.)
Benny Hinn
Creflo and Taffi Dollar
Joyce Meyer
Mike Murdock
Richard Roberts
Randy and Paula White (Yes, we know they are divorced.)
Ernest Angely
Robert Tilton
Rod Parsley
Ted Haggard
Pat Robertson
Bishop Thomas Weeks and Juanita Bynum (Currently involved in nasty divorce.)
Jimmy Swaggart

In the opening show, contestants are bussed to the campus of Oral Roberts University and left with nothing but a bullhorn and a Bible. They have just four hours to develop a following of people willing to provide them with food, shelter, and tithe money. The minister invited to stay at the nicest house wins salvation for week one. You might think Richard Roberts has an advantage here, since he was the President of ORU until recently. But because everyone knows Richard personally, he is actually at a huge disadvantage. Las Vegas odds-makers have installed Richard as the early favorite to become the first one excommunicated. This may have something to do with the fact that Richard is a tool.

Some of the competitions will focus on the contestant’s weaknesses. In Week Two, the ministers will be asked to go to a local hospital and perform an actual healing that can be verified by impartial doctors. (The City of Faith Hospital does not count, seeing it is just a big, empty shell, serving as the ultimate symbol of what televangelists are really all about.)

Week Three shows the players at their best as the competition centers around raising money. An impartial crowd will gather in the Mabee Center at ORU. Each minister gets five minutes to make an appeal for money. They are allowed to promise anything in return to the givers. The evangelist with the largest offering wins salvation for the week.

Week Four promises to be the highest rated television show in history. The ministers are taken to the First Baptist Church of Tulsa where they must compete in a highly hostile environment. Each contestant much preach for one half hour without saying something considered heretical by the congregation. There is a great chance that no one will earn “salvation” this week and everyone will be eligible for excommunication.

Week Five promises to be an intellectual free-for-all. On the campus of Tulsa University, the contestants will compete before a panel of philosophy professors for the best example of circular reasoning. For instance, the minister might say, “I have the power to heal you. Therefore, if I pray for you and you remain sick, it must be your fault you did not get healed.” Every one of the contestants has mastered this skill so the competition will be fierce. Of course, any minister actually taking part of the blame for unfulfilled promises will be automatically disqualified.

Survivor producers plan some twists to the competition, including an appearance by the likable Survivor contestant Rupert Boneham and Season One winner, Richard Hatch. Rupert works as a mentor for troubled teens. Each contestant will try to justify himself by his works to Rupert. Rupert will award salvation to the minister who has done the most actual good works through his ministry. Richard Hatch, a homosexual, will be subjected to five minutes with each contestant as they attempt to win salvation by changing Richard’s sexual orientation. Should all the ministers fail, the likely scenario, a second competition will be held to see who can get Richard to “render unto Caesar” and pay his back-taxes.

Televangelist Competition Begins Today!

I have a prediction. And unlike Pat Robertson, Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, and others, if my prediction does not come true, I agree to never make an outrageous prediction again. In fact, if my prediction does not come true, I will agree to the punishment imposed upon REAL prophets. You may take me out and stone me to death!

I predict with 100% certainty that the next couple of months are going to see the most egregious and outrageous attempts EVER by the television ministers to separate viewers from their government rebate checks. Combined with tax refunds, April just might be the biggest influx of extra cash on hand in American history. And I would bet my life that most of the big ministries are having strategy sessions right now to come up with just the right gimmick to get that money.

We are going to catch them in the act. I am encouraging every reader to begin recording as many Charlatans as possible. The best gimmicks can be placed on YouTube and I will put links on the blog so everyone can watch. We will award winners in the following categories:

Best Subtle Plea (without actually mentioning the government rebate)
Best Blatant Plea (Benny is even money in early betting.)
Best Offer In Return of Healing, 100-Fold Return, etc. (Probably Copeland)
Best Fake Word from the Lord (You have to go with Pat Robertson here.)
Best “Miracle” Event Held in April (My money is on Rod Parsley)
Best New Project to Complete with Rebate Money (Paul and Jan are the early favorites.)
Best Appeal to the Stupid (Something like, “God told me that someone out there is getting unexpected money in the mail”. This appeal is for people who never watch the news.)
Best Appeal to the Elderly (This category has been owned by Robert Tilton for twenty years. Nobody gets little old ladies to send Social Security money better than Tilton.)

And the Ananias and Sapphira Grand Prize goes to the televangelist who makes such an outrageous statement that anyone with a brain can tell that he or she no longer believes in God. (Again, you have to go with Tilton as the front-runner here.) Remember that Ananias and Sapphira were struck dead for lying about money.

Of course, Creflo, Murdock, and Paula White are expected to come up with some great ideas and could pull off upsets. And everyone is going to be trying to get pledges early, before the competition heats up.

So set those recorders. Your kids can help you transfer the video and set you up on YouTube. It is free. And if you do this today, I promise you that you will be blessed beyond anything you could ask or think. But I could be wrong.

Bush Leaves Legacy of Orwellianism

"Experience should teach us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the government's purposes are beneficent . . . the greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well meaning but without understanding."
Olmstead vs. United States,
United States Supreme Court, 1928
Justice Louis Brandeis

Since the founding of the United States, government officials have been seeking to get around that darn Bill of Rights. "Think how much good we could do, how much crime we could eliminate, how much tax money we could generate, if only we were allowed to spy on regular citizens without search warrants and court approval." "We don't want to by-pass the Constitution for regular citizens, just for criminals."

On September 11, 2001, a group of towel-heads caught us with our pants down and pulled off a brilliantly conceived plan, shocking our nation. Less than 3,000 deaths made us so afraid that we decided to disregard the sacrifice of millions of military men who died to protect our freedom. Congress and the Bush Administration saw an opening and they charged through it, blasting a hole in our Bill of Rights that will never be repaired. They rammed the Patriot Act through the legislative process in record time.

I am sure the Patriot Act has helped stop a few terrorists. But the Patriot Act has accomplished what Osama Bin Laden never could have. It has poured a truckload of K Y Jelly on the slippery slope. The first "terrorist" caught using Patriot Act shortcuts was Las Vegas strip club owner Michael Gilardi. Then they caught a few kiddie porn distributors. Surely no one could argue that the Patriot Act should not be used to shut down this evil. The precedent was set. If the Feds use the Patriot Act to bypass the fourth amendment and they find evidence of a crime, then they are going forward with prosecution and the courts are going to support them.

9-11 was a blip on the radar screen. Yes, it was horrible. But in the end, Bin Laden may have accomplished more destruction than knocking down a few buildings. He succeded in giving the government what it has wanted for over 200 years, a way around the constitution.

Note to Readers: I voted for George Bush twice. I also worked very hard in the 1980's and 1990's to help elect conservative legislators. Sorry 'bout that! Only voting for protectors of liberty from now on. Sorry Democrats.