Thoughts on Adam's Graduation Day

Adam graduated from Kings High School today at the Cintas Center on the campus of Xavier University. Earlier this morning, we attended the funeral of my friend, Tony Glass, about two hundred yards away in Xavier’s Belermine Chapel. It has been both a difficult and wonderful day. I cried more today than I have in the past year. I learned that my friend of twenty-five years was awarded the bronze star for bravery in combat in Vietnam. He had never told us. Five hours later, I watched young men receive diplomas who I coached as tee ball players.

I felt an empty feeling because one of Adam’s friends did not graduate with his class. He is a kid that I really like who had a little trouble with the law. He should receive a diploma in August after completing a couple of online courses. I cried when Brandon Berman accompanied a soloist on guitar. He is a brilliant Jewish kid who, at sixteen, engaged me in an enlightening conversation about Frederich Nietchze. I advised him to postpone Nietchze and chase girls. Brandon plays music with Adam and I think he has all the tools to be a very special songwriter. I cried when they read a list of young men already enlisted in the armed services. The entire crowd, including the graduates, gave a long, standing ovation to these seven young men. One of them, Brandon Hayes, is one of Adam’s good friends.

We saw Adam’s beautiful girlfriend, Jenny, receive her diploma. She is going to study nursing at the University of Kentucky. We screamed loudly for Adam’s best friend, Javier Fransisco Cordero, as he walked across the stage. Javier is like a second son to me. His father is an executive with Procter and Gamble who was transferred to Cincinnati from Mexico City when the boys were in fifth grade. They are nearly inseparable. Javier speaks Spanish and English without the trace of an accent. And he is fluent in French. He will study international business at Kent State and something tells me he might run P & G someday.

There is something very special about Kings High School. It is a wonderful learning environment that feels like a family. Both Sarah and Adam blossomed there. Kings just might be the area’s best kept secret. It feels like a small school, but offers the opportunities of a larger high school. The sports, music, and drama programs are top notch. They stress math and science and nearly every freshman passes the Ohio graduation test on the first try. It seems like most of the kids are bright, polite, adventurous, and optimistic. Adam and Sarah attended kindergarten through twelfth grade at Kings. Many of their elementary teachers attended today’s graduation and sought out the graduates they taught years before. Mrs. Weed grabbed Adam and gave him a big hug.

Kings lost a very special principal during Adam’s freshman year. Mr. Higgins was loved by the student body and his untimely death brought the school together. Mr. Mader has stepped in and done a wonderful job. The teaching staff is a highly dedicated group that brought out the best in my kids. Sarah is a pre-med student at the University of Cincinnati. Adam has been accepted into the engineering program at Ohio University, in Athens. We feel that their high school education is nearly on par with the top private schools in the area.

As we stood outside the Cintas Center after the graduation, I remarked to one of the parents that I regretted that Nick Kurtz did not graduate with this class. Nick played sports with Adam and attended Kings from kindergarten through his junior year, when the family moved to Columbus. Just then, I heard someone say, “Mr. Amburgy, I’m right here.” Nick was standing right behind me. He drove down to see all his friends graduate. It was a wonderful coincidence. It was a wonderful day.

Fathers Day Letter to My Dad

June 15, 2008

Dear Dad,

The older I get, the more I realize how wonderful it was to have you as my father. As a little boy, I did not realize that there were fathers who did not have anything to do with their sons or their sons’ mothers. I never knew there were fathers who did not get up and put in a hard day’s work so their family always had food and shelter. I did not know there were fathers who verbally and sexually abused their children. I did not know there were fathers who routinely beat their sons and told them they would never amount to anything.

I had no idea there were fathers who ran around on their wives and put their families in jeopardy. I did not know there were fathers who, by example, taught their sons to lie, to cheat, and to steal. Later in life, I realized there were fathers who knew nothing about God and who cared very little about morality and always trying to do the right thing.

I did not know there were fathers who had no backbone and would not speak the truth when everyone else was afraid to. I did not realize there were fathers who were ungrateful to live in the world’s greatest country and neglected to teach their sons patriotism. I did not realize there were fathers who gave their sons everything and never instilled a proper work ethic that allowed them to succeed in life.

I took it for granted that fathers who discovered their sons had a little musical talent automatically bought them expensive instruments and made sure they got proper instruction. I thought all fathers encouraged their sons to take risks and follow their heart. I did not understand that all fathers do not model how to be good husbands and create a peaceful, happy home for their kids.

I did not realize there were fathers who lived only for themselves, never sacrificing for the good of their friends and family. I thought all fathers quietly gave money to poor people and expected nothing from them in return. I thought all fathers taught their sons that forgiveness is essential to happiness, even when you are severely wronged.

As I grew older, I came to realize that there are a lot of bad fathers in the world. The years have taught me that I had one of the best. You probably look back and think of things you might have done differently. I am sure you made some parenting mistakes. But I don’t remember them. The good far outweighed any mistakes you made. You taught me how to be a good father to my kids, how to love my wife, and how to put my family first. I am proud of the job I have done as a father. And I learned how to do it from you. Thanks.

Love Always,

Greg

Kay and Kathy with a K

It is 1:00 in the morning and I cannot sleep. Two friends had dramatic life experiences today and I cannot seem to make sense of them. In just four hours, I experienced a roller coaster ride of emotion and it is not easy to stop the ride just because it is time to sleep.

A couple of weeks ago, Kay was diagnosed with cancer. Kay is the sister of a very close friend. I knew her because we worked together for about three years. The cancer was in the lymph nodes and was in the late stages. The doctor gave her no hope and indicated that intensive chemotherapy might only give her a little time. Kay decided against chemotherapy but agreed to some surgery that could remove a mass and ease some of the pain. The doctors had put her on morphine and oxycontin to ease her pain. They had begun coordinating with hospice so the transition would be smooth when the time came.

Kay’s sister Renee called this afternoon to tell me that when the surgeon operated today, they found no cancer in her body. None. They did not remove the cancer. There was no cancer. They performed new blood work that showed no presence of cancer anywhere. Later today, every test they could run confirmed that Kay has no trace of cancer anywhere in her body. This is the kind of news that makes you want to jump up and down screaming, “Thank you, Jesus!”

In the middle of our unbelievable rejoicing, a neighbor and close friend, Kathy, came over tonight to talk to Debbie. (Kathy is adamant that you spell her name correctly.) She has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Kathy is my age and had been perfectly healthy up until now. It was like someone hit us in the stomach. Debbie’s mother had MS and her sister-in-law is living with it now. So Deb helped explain that it is possible to have many meaningful years with the disease.

A few weeks ago, my favorite Bible teacher, Mike Williams, talked about how God does not judge us based upon our works and we should not judge him based upon his works. To me, this is more than a profound statement. Under the old Christianity, our reaction would be to be happy with God for Kay's healing, but to question God when disease or misfortune come our way. None of it ever seemed to make sense. But now, I have trusted Jesus completely for my salvation. I must trust him in other areas of life as well. I cannot explain what happened to Kay or Kathy. But I know God is good. I know God loves them equally.

So rejoice with Kay today. And remember Kathy in your prayers. Now maybe since I have gotten this off my mind, I can go to sleep.

Greg Comes Out of the Closet

I have a pair of Georgio Brutini loafers. In 1997, after my band lost our record deal, I played piano in the pit band at LaComedia Dinner Theater for three months. I was unsuccessfully hit upon by once-famous televangelist John Wesley Fletcher in the TBN studio sometime around 1982. And that about sums up my gay experience. I had several friends over the years who were gay. Most of them felt they had to pretend not to be gay in order to get me to like them. I feel terrible about that.

So today, right here on my blog, I wish to step out of the closet and proclaim that there are several gay men that I like, and a few gay women. And I ask them to forgive me for waiting this long to pubicly announce my support. The following is a list of people I have encountered over the years who I did not understand and did not try hard enough to understand.

Larry C., Larry T., Darryl S. (It is not as funny as Larry, Darryl, and Darryl, but I only knew one gay Darryl.), Darryl's partner, Wendell D., Kevin S., Katie R. and Karen, Ron I., Brian G., most of the guys at LaComedia, Diane C., Deana F., the Lesbians in the choir (You know who you are.), the MCA A&R rep, Tom S., and that Kid at Kings High School, the only male in the drill team sometime around 2004. This list is incomplete but I wish I had every one of these encounters to do all over again. It is amazing to me the talent and creative ability this list encompasses. There are world-class musicians, artists, dancers, medical professionals, actors, photographers, and business people on this very short list. And of course, there are a couple of regular, average, everyday people on the list as well.

And my biggest blockbuster confession is that my favorite Bible teacher in all the world is Mike Williams. Mike taught me more about the Gospel than any other person on earth. And Mike is gay. So if my ragging on televangelists does not get me completely excommunicated from the evangelical community, my love for Mike's teaching surely will. I highly recommend Mike's website. Click on the Gospel Revolution or the Glenn Klein Online links above to hear some very insightful teaching. Mike and Glenn (a crazy, non-gay Jewish dude) host the Gospel Revolution webcast each Wednesday evening at 9:00 pm.

(I am shown above at my failed audition for the part of Lt. Jim Dangle on Reno 911. That is Carlos Alazraqui with me. Carlos plays the part of Deputy Garcia on the show. Thomas Lennon only got the part because he has better legs than I do.)

My Little Kids are Becoming Adults

This photo was taken in 1998 at Disney World. It cannot possibly be ten years since we took this trip. Since then, my hair has turned gray but my wife has remained amazingly hot. The little girl next to me is now a pre-med biology major at the University of Cincinnati. That little boy is now 6' 2-3/4" tall. He is worried that growing another 1/4" will keep him from flying fighter jets. Adam gets good grades in high school, works 20 hours a week, plays guitar in a rock band, and is learning to fly airplanes. He is also in Civil Air Patrol, a military training program sponsored by the Air Force. And like his father, he is a babe magnet.

Debbie and I joke that our kids got all of our good genes and none of our bad ones. Both kids look like Debbie and they got her intelligence and athletic ability. Adam got my musical ability. Sarah got my math skills. And both kids got my fighting spirit. We did not have a third kid because that one was destined to be a genetic disaster.

The empty nest syndrome is hitting us pretty hard. Adam is rarely home and Sarah is away at school. We miss them so much. Last night, we went out to eat with some friends on a weeknight. We have not been able to do that for twenty years. This is just one more road in life’s journey.

Never Give Up!

Last year was a tough one for many of my friends. One lost a spouse, two lost their health, and several had insurmountable financial difficulty. I called one of my closest friends the other day just to make sure he was not giving up. He was not. In fact, the way he continues to fight has inspired me and given me renewed courage to live every day as God's gift.

As a real estate appraiser, I am witnessing the mortgage meltdown firsthand. Ohio leads the nation in foreclosures and part of my job is to appraise homes for banks after the owner has been evicted. It used to be that most of these homes were trashed. You could tell that the people that lived here were probably not fit to own a home. But last year, I began to see a new phenomenon. Newly foreclosed homes would be ready to sell. Before being forced out, the previous owners had cleaned the homes thoroughly. There were no holes in the walls. No stains on the carpet. Yards were mowed. Leaves were raked. It was as if those losing their property were making one last apology to the bank by leaving their dream home in good condition.

Twice in the past few months, I have appraised foreclosed houses that qualified for FHA financing. (To qualify, a home must be structurally and mechanically sound in every way.) This was unheard of before! For the first time in our area, banks are now renting homes because there are so many foreclosures that they cannot sell them all.

My point is that a lot of people are struggling. I have very dear friends in their forties and fifties who are facing forced career changes. These were guys used to making a lot of money who now are having to reinvent themselves and develop new skills. I went through this a few years ago. At thirty-nine, I left the Vineyard church as music director, realizing that I had to change careers. Fortunately, I had a friend who trained me as a real estate appraiser. But my point is that I have been in the same position. It is lonely. It is frightening.

Liberation from organized religion might have created a void for some of you. Many of us experienced enough turmoil in church to push us out the door forever. But church did have one positive aspect: community. And when difficult times come, we all need community. For me, I have not missed church at all, mainly because I continue to strengthen relationships and renew old ones through the Internet. I am fortunate enough to have a few close friends that Debbie and I get together with regularly. I read a lot of blogs and send a lot of email. I even go to an Internet church every Wednesday night. (It is a very irreverent church.)

For those who feel alone in your struggle, I invite you to get in touch with me. Talk about it. Get a plan to recover. And most importantly, continue to fight. I have a friend who is delivering pizzas to make extra money. He probably thinks this is a bit demeaning, considering his past work history. But I think it is admirable on many levels. He is refusing to give up. He is digging himself out of the hole and he inspires me every day. My father started a little lawn care company and did quite well in his later years. I have always been proud of him for that.

So if you are at a low point right now, just thank God you live in America and get up every morning determined to continue to fight. You will make it. If you are being forced out of a good job, don't be afraid to drive a truck for a while. Or deliver pizzas. Or mow grass.

Keep fighting. And enjoy life. Life is good even when it is bad.

Low Maintenance Friends

I am lazy. I don't mind working hard in my company. But after work is done, I like life to be easy and carefree. My relationship with my wife can best be described as "easy". We don't just love each other. We like each other. We enjoy being together. We rarely fight. I still get excited when she comes home. I think it is that way for her. In our twenty years together, we have had rough spots. We even went to counseling. But we worked out the problems and living together returned to being easy. I would not want to be in a marriage that required constant work. Life is too short.

I feel the same way about friendships. Deb and I have been blessed with some awesome friends. We have friends that would do anything for us. And we would do anything for them. But the best part of the friendship is that we rarely have to do anything for each other. We are low-maintenance friends. Our friends understand boundaries. They never get offended. They love us just the way we are. It is easy hanging out with them. We never feel a need to try to get them to like us. They like us and we like them. It's easy.

We frequently go on vacation with a couple of our low-maintenance friends. Some of our best times have been spent with them. We have a deep, loving bond with them. I cannot think of a scenario where we will not be friends until we die.

Lately, I have been especially thankful for my friends. Many people go through life never having relationships as rich as those I enjoy. As we get older, our friendships begin to provide support and security that we once felt from our parents. One of the reasons my life is so good is because of my awesome friends. They make me laugh. They give good advice. They share some of my best memories.

I have been blessed with two low-maintenance kids and a low-maintenance dog. But today, I am very happy to have some low-maintenance friends. I hope they feel the same way.

(Tom and Renee, two of our best friends, are pictured above with Sarah at her graduation.)